Saturday, September 22, 2007
Damn... i'm typing with only one and a 'half' hand. Feels super invalid...
Cant pull up my pants when I finish my business in the toilet...
Cant cook cos I cant wash up after myself...
Cant feed myself proper too...
Cant open plastic bottles properly...
Cant wash the right side of my body properly while bathing... (thank god it doesnt itch!)
Cant put on my clothes easily too!!
Cant iron my clothes before i go out... ( so forgive me if I look unkempt to you)
Cant cut my fingernails on my right!!! (disgusting!)
Life sucks.
But Grandma, missy, Missy's mom and princess made life bearable and even enjoyable.
Thanks.
It's abit sucky to be down in a situations like this while my whole family is not in town!!
I feel bad when my grandma comes over and do the household chores i'm suppose to do but cant.
I hate it. I even have to fight with her to wash a cup!!
I don't like to see my grandma doing these things. She works as a janitor in the day. It's a tough occupation.
It breaks my heart when the image of my petite and fragile grandma washing toilets or cleaning up after someone creeps into my mind.
I love her to bits.
I know she loves me too and doesnt mind boiling water to make i have hot water to make a cup of coffeefor myself. But i dont even want her to carry the kettle full of water.
I know she doesn't like to be treated like she's really frail and wrinkled. But i just dont want her to do those heavy chores.
Sigh.
It really comforts my soul to have princess and missy-diva around.
I dont feel like i'm alone. thank you.
However, I realized there's different kinds of loneliness...
I remember feeling lonely when I was still with her... a long time ago...
I was happy but still lonely though she was by my side. A melancholic, sad kind of loneliness.
Knowing that the one I love so deeply, doesn't really understands me, my thoughts, my beliefs, my hopes and dreams.
But doubts my love for her perpetually.
Now surrounded by besties and buddies who do understands me and cares for me, I'm still lonely.
Not that I'm not understood... not that my dreams are not heard.
Mind you, I'm not complaining. Just writing what i'm feeling.
And this loneliness is strangely bearable... it's just that...
I miss the feel and the closeness of a lover's embrace...
Yet, I have no desire to commit myself to another anymore.
Black has always been my color...
Guess that's the reason why...
Dont mind me.
I'm just blabbering nonsense...
It's sad that you don't seem concern about my injury at all...
Guess I no longer matters to you...
Wrongfully accused...
The purest of pain.
Hollow
5:39 AM;
