Friday, July 27, 2007
Have I reached the end of the circle?
Only to find myself back at square one
Back to you.
On the day of my convocation.
You're all that I could think of.
Totally overwhelmed by the tsunami of memories.
Memories of us.
Happy times, sad times...
It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life.
Since I've waited like a lifetime
To wear the funny looking gown.
Only to realise that I've also waited a lifetime
To meet someone like you.
You were so near, yet so far.
Cliche, but literally so true.
Hoping you'd come out after class
To take a picture with me.
To be with me, during the most important moment of my life.
But you were nowhere to be seen.
It was hard, trying to smile at the camera.
I went home early,
Tired, feet screaming from wearing three-inch high heels.
I went straight to my bed after shower.
Tears flowed immediately. Uncontrollably.
Tearing, I texted you saying that the day sucked.
You asked why. I replied coz you weren't there.
And it lead to an apology and dinner straight after that.
From feeling so damn low and lousy, you brighten up my day.
Seeing you again after so long...
Another realization hit me.
That I love you I have loved you all along And I miss you Been far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
I sent you home after dinner.
Ended up staying over that night.
We talked about us... a few more tears shed.
Being so close to you... feels like coming home.
You snuggled up to me in the middle of the night.
I've never felt so at peace with the world.
Baby, I love you.
Hollow
4:48 AM;
Monday, July 23, 2007
Every now and then...
I come to a certain revelation about MY life, myself and the journey I've embarked on so far.
Feel as though I'm reaching the end of a circle.
Spoke to a senior of mine recently.
Superbly surprised at how much she has changed during the past 2-3 yrs.
From someone who was very devoted to love and relationships
She has become a player who plays with players too.
Something she said got stuck in my mind.
That she's taking time off from serious relationship
Trying to know more about herself and enjoy being single.
Lyrics of November Rain came into my mind at this moment as I'm typing.
"Do you need some time on your own?Everybody need some time on their own?"
The scariest thing I've come to realise now is:
I've grown accustomed to being alone.
I no longer crave for any kind of special attachment with anyone.
I don't feel a kind of envy when I'm out with couples P.D.A-ing in front of me.
I feel NOTHING when couples passes me by.
Perhaps... I'm just too cynical.
Yeah, love's sweet, passionate, wild and overwhelming.
But it can be so excruciatingly painful, emotionally and mentally crippling.
All I'm thinking of is what's the point of having something that has an expiry date of its sweetness?
No point at all.
Especially not, when I still can't get past all the scars...
Who doesnt long for someone to hold?Who knows how to love you without being told.Yes, who doesn't?
But then again, who's kidding who?
That's why I'm still on my own.
Hollow
3:26 AM;
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Incompatible, it don't matter though
'cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
you're not easy to find
Is it possible MS. Loveable
is already in my life?
right in front of me
or maybe you're in disguise
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my ownif there's a soulmate for everyoneHere we are again,
circles never endhow do I find the perfect fitthere's enough for everyone
but
I'm still waiting in lineWho doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone
Most relationships seem so transitoryThey're all good but not the permanent oneWho doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone
Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I'm on my own
if there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone
Feeling very emotional today.
No idea why.
Perhaps it's because I saw a couple breaking up right in front of me last night.
And it brought back all the painful memories.
How I tried to get through that thick, defensive and stubborn barrier
You'd always erect when you're angry.
How painful it is to be blocked out by you all the time.
When I'm just trying to get to you.
Silence is the worst form of violence.
Especially when you behave like I dont exist.
At all.
Scarred. Beyond repair.
By loving you.
Hollow
4:22 PM;
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Alot of things had happened during the past 2 weeks.
It's been an emotional, mental and physical rollarcoaster ride.
All will come to an end tomorrow.
Regarding my career path,
Whether I've been right or totally and disastrously wrong all along will come to light in less than 24 hrs.
My social life, in other words frens...
Weird is the word.
I've been playing the Love doctor for the past few weeks.
Giving out advices...
Trying to mend some broken hearts...
Or salvage a few dying relationships.
Tips to court a girl... blah blah blah.
WAH!
I'm tired!!!
IRONIC!!
I cant even handle my own relationship problems.
So why the hell am I dishing out solutions and suggestions to help others?
The scariest thing is...
They actually worked!
Sigh... was talking to YW.
And all the while I was thinking...
Why is it that everyone around me has someone to love or be loved by...
Except me?
Felt very empty inside.
Not totally empty... coz I know more about myself then I ever did before.
But life's still in shades of black and grey...
Where did all the colors go to?
Still so trapped in pain.
Still can't bear to talk about you.
How I wish...
How could an angel break my heart?Why didn't she catch my falling star?I wish I didn't wish so hard.Maybe I wished the love apart.How could an angel break my heart?
Oh, my soul is crying, it's dying...
I'm trying to understand...
Please help me...
Hollow
1:01 PM;
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
It's over and donebut the heartache lives on inside...And who's the one you're clinging toInstead of me, tonight?I thought that from this heartacheI could escape.But I've run long enough to knowThere aint no way.Cant nobody do it like youSay every little thing you doHey baby, Say stays on my mindWell I thought I could just get over you babyBut see there's something I just can't doFrom the way that you hold meTo the sweet things you've told meI just cant run awayTo let go of you...You said you hate me more and more each day
That I didn't spent with you.
Running around, moving on with my life
Just fine.
No, it aint the way you think it is.
But I refuse to let my life be at a standstill
Just for you.
I'm not the weak emotional fool that I once was.
That doesnt mean I love you any less.
But you're just too bitter to see this.
You'll understand my situation now, a year later.
There's alot more to life than love.
I want to share them with you.
Because I love you.
I wont force you since you're so adamant about this.
Letting you go is my gift of love to you.
Just want you to be happy.
Wherever you are.
Whoever you're with.
I hope and I pray, Somewhere in your heart, I'll always stay.
Hollow
3:16 PM;
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Been searching for the ideal template for this blog... scanning through thousands of them in Blogskin... Felt like an idiot doing so... and was wondering...
'Oh my god, I didnt realise how much effort has to be put in to set up a blog ! Wow, many of my Blogger friends must have had alot of free time to do such things...'
Salute to you guys!!
Seriously, if anything were to happen to this blog of mine... I don't think I'll be bothered to blog anymore... Too much of a hassle!!
Been really tired the whole week... working at nights aint a good thing. Now I know why.
It's just difficult to sleep peacefully when there are people walking around in the house. Sigh...
Tired... emotionally and mentally...
Need a break... soon.
I wanna go shopping...
Get my hair done.
Before my convocation... sigh...
23rd July will be my official final day in NTU.
Time to say goodbye.
To you.
Hollow
12:29 AM;
